I Want To Be In the Light
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” - Romans 7:15
Every now and then I get smacked over the head with some Truth. This morning, the Truth holding the baseball bat was that I have a problem with sin. We have a problem with sin in this world. No, this isn’t a post about how sinful the world is, and how we’re all going to hell, it’s about how sin, when confessed, can be the biggest hope for change we will ever experience. Between hearing today’s My Utmost for His Highest and actually listening to the lyrics of Charlie Peacock’s “In The Light” on my way to work today, I’m feeling pretty convicted of my own selfishness and sin. Now before any of my friends who aren’t believers see this as one more example of how Christianity tries to make people feel guilty, let me just ask that you put aside that assumption and hear me out. Honestly, being convicted of my own sinful nature is the only thing that has ever brought about true, lasting, healthy change in my life. Being convicted of my selfishness forces me to turn to God - run to him, even - and away from my own self-destructive tendencies.
Anyone who has tried to lose weight only to fall off the sugar wagon, or tried to be more disciplined with finances only to spend too much on Amazon one sleepless night, or tried to get rid of a toxic relationship only to be drawn back into the same patterns over and over again knows that change comes so hard to us. Yes, we can overcome hardship, and will evolve and grow naturally over time, but it takes a lot of effort, and a lot of failure, and a lot of persistent will on our own. But with God, change is not only possible, it’s required. The One who loves us so much that He died to be near us wants nothing more than any true lover would want for their love - for them to be transformed for the better by the renewing of their mind - in the way they see, God, the world, and themselves . We can do this by coming to terms with our sin.
So, on sin: I can’t say it any better than Oswald Chambers did this morning. I think this message really struck me because it’s so radically different that what I tend to hear from Christian culture— ‘God forgives because He loves!’ Well, according to Mr. Chambers, God is not that simple, nor that easy:
“Very few of us know anything about conviction of sin. We know the experience of being disturbed because we have done wrong things. But conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit blots out every relationship on earth and makes us aware of only one— "Against You, You only, have I sinned . . ." (Psalm 51:4). When a person is convicted of sin in this way, he knows with every bit of his conscience that God would not dare to forgive him. If God did forgive him, then this person would have a stronger sense of justice than God. God does forgive, but it cost the breaking of His heart with grief in the death of Christ to enable Him to do so. The great miracle of the grace of God is that He forgives sin, and it is the death of Jesus Christ alone that enables the divine nature to forgive and to remain true to itself in doing so. It is shallow nonsense to say that God forgives us because He is love. Once we have been convicted of sin, we will never say this again. The love of God means Calvary - nothing less! The love of God is spelled out on the Cross and nowhere else. The only basis for which God can forgive me is the Cross of Christ. It is there that His conscience is satisfied.
Forgiveness doesn’t merely mean that I am saved from hell and have been made ready for heaven (no one would accept forgiveness on that level). Forgiveness means that I am forgiven into a newly created relationship which identifies me with God in Christ. The miracle of redemption is that God turns me, the unholy one, into the standard of Himself, the Holy One. He does this by putting into me a new nature, the nature of Jesus Christ.”
So you see? Sin isn’t there to make us feel guilty – well, it is, but it doesn’t end there. Sin is there to allow us to be transformed! When one is convicted of sin, not just “experiencing being disturbed because we have done wrong things”, it causes change. We run to God, who already died for us, and are forgiven. In forgiveness there is redemption, and we can become new.
So how does the Charlie Peacock song fit in? Well, take a look at the lyrics:
I keep trying to find a life
On my own apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicion
That I'm still a soul in need of a savior
CHORUS
I wanna be in the light
As you are in the light
I wanna shine like the
stars in the heavens
O Lord be my light
And be my salvation
All I want is to be in the light
All I want is to be in the light
VERSE 2
This disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicion
That I'm still a soul in need of a savior
I must have heard this song a hundred times before. It was made famous by DC Talk on their Jesus Freak album in 1995, and it still has me toe tapping and singing along to the catchy, upbeat radio version. But I think today was the first time I really stopped and listened. “I keep trying to find a life on my own, apart from you…This disease of self runs through my soul…every attempt on my behalf has failed to bring this sickness under control…this only serves to confirm my suspicion that I’m still a soul in need of a Savior…” My God! Not only does conviction of sin bring about my renewal, but it also keeps me reliant on my Lord and Savior! How miserable a person would I be if I was forgiven once when I accepted Christ, and was so convinced of my own worthiness after that that I could do no wrong? I would have no need of God or Christ, I would be like a god, self-sufficient and separate from the One True God. The miracle of Christ’s death and subsequent grace for our sin is that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8) and that every time we sin, if we run back to Him, His death is still sufficient and His grace covers us again. In fact, the Bible says that “The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” (Romans 5:20-6:4) We are allowed to sin so that His grace might reign in us, so that we can have a new life. How awesome is that?!?
And again, sin isn’t God’s way of just ‘making people feel guilty!’ How we respond to that awful, uncomfortable feeling we get when we know we’ve done wrong is up to us. Take a look at what happened to the two disciples who directly betrayed Jesus on the night He was arrested. Both Judas and Peter were told that they would betray Jesus, and both of them did. But the difference between their reactions to their betrayal is huge:
“When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders. "I have sinned," he said, "for I have betrayed innocent blood." "What is that to us?" they replied. "That's your responsibility." So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.” (Matthew 27: 3-5)One betrayer ran away, one ran to Jesus. One was lost to sin and despair, and death, and one went on to become a great Church planter for Christ. How we deal with our sin, the sin that is our inheritance, is up to us. God doesn’t use sin to make us feel guilty, as if guilt were His end unto itself. If we lose ourselves in guilt, we will be consumed by it, and it will be our end. I believe with all my heart that if Judas had gone to God instead of seeking solitude, God would have lifted him up. How can I believe this, when Judas was the ‘ultimate betrayer’? Because God makes it clear that whenever we sin, we put Jesus on that cross, and yet He forgives us daily. If we choose to acknowledge our sinfulness and run to Him to confess it, He will make us greater than ever before, so that His glory may be known through us.
“The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: "Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly.” (Luke 22: 61-62) Then Peter ran back to the fellowship of the disciples, and when Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them told the apostles about Jesus’ resurrection, Peter was the only one who “got up and ran to the tomb” (Luke 24:12) when no one else believed the women.
And so I say that we have a problem with sin in this world. We have so white washed the definition of sin that it’s lost all its power to convict. We have so blurred the lines between right and wrong with moral relativism - usually to save our own butts by not offending anyone - that people are drowning in a world where everything is permissible. But we know that not everything is beneficial. If you hear noting else in this tirade of mine, hear this: this is not a call to Christians to reform the world by pointing the finger at others’ sin. Remember that Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians “what business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside.” (1 Corinthians 5:12-13) We are called to look inside not only our own churches, but inside ourselves, and come to terms with our own sin. Take the planks out of our own eye, and all that. We have a problem with sin in this world because we are no longer taught how to a) recognize it in ourselves, and b) how to deal with it when we do. We look for things to distract us, or talk to our friends and look for reassurance, instead of getting on our knees before God and admitting that we’ve fallen short, and can’t do this on our own. And He promises that he will lift us up, into the light, which is where He is. And where I want to be.
